Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I wish i was in the wii world.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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