I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
