the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
