If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
