Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize