Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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