i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
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