My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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