Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
