i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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