Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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