do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
