I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
This is the high leading the old right now
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
