bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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