You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
