We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
