smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
