I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
