2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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