remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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