We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
