she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
