they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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