My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
