i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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