Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
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