i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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