im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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