I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize