Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
