Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he told me I talked like a deaf person
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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