Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I think a kid would responsible me up
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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