I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
