Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
