What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
