I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Drake has all the answers
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
