I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
