he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
My ATM looks so different sober.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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