He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
