please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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