booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
