Moan for me like Helen Keller
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
