Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Is this like a preordered booty call?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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