You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
