Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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