I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
