never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
