Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize