Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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