If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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