It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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