i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
