I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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