Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
