Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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