Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
