I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
