this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
