There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
